NEWPORT — The effort to keep Newport Hospital’s Birthing Center open will be receiving and nice boost – and possibly more business – from an upcoming Swinger’s Night charity event at the Elk’s Lodge.
Swinger’s night is normally reserved for Elks members and guests only, but in keeping with the organization’s mission of community investment they have decided to open it to the public to raise much needed funds for the center. Tickets are $150 per couple (or free for single women under 40), with all proceeds going straight to the Birthing Center’s “Keep the Stork Flying” fund.
Grand Exalted Ruler Harmon Patrick Wetherby III, resplendent in his ceremonial fez and what appeared to be a silk robe embroidered with tiny leaping elks, beamed with pride when speaking to *The Stew*.
“I can’t think of a better way to support a birthing center than by charging admission to an event that will quite possibly lead to some additional births,” he declared. “We Elks have always believed in giving back. Now we’re giving back… and forth… and back and forth some more.”
Event organizers promise a “tastefully raunchy” evening featuring a full bar, a chocolate fountain, a DJ spinning nothing but Marvin Gaye and Salt-N-Pepa, and a special appearance by the Newport Hospital’s own “Stork Squad” who will be confiscating condoms and handing out bottles of lubricant with the slogan “Don’t Wrap It, Just Tap It — Then Come See Us in Nine Months.”
Not everyone is swinging along with the idea.
Local resident and self-proclaimed morality watchdog Danae Christine Velázquez wrinkled her nose at the concept. “They’re just bored with the usual crowd down at the Lodge,” she sniffed. “This is nothing but a cheap ploy to bring in some additional flavors. Next thing you know they’ll be doing ‘Glory Hole Sundays’ for Meals on Wheels.”
Wetherby took offense at the complaint. “Nonsense. Glory Hole Sunday always has been and always will be strictly a members-only event.” Wetherby added that Swinger’s Night ticket sales have been “brisk,” and the Lodge is already preparing for overflow by setting up extra mattresses on the patio.