WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that new tariffs would be imposed on toys manufactured in Santa’s Workshop, arguing that “Santa has been ripping us off for decades” and should relocate production to the United States.
“Sneaky Santa’s been shipping toys into this country for years, and nobody ever asked why all the toys have to be made in the North Pole,” Trump said. “We love Santa. Nobody loves Santa more than me. But the toys should be made here. By American workers. The best workers.”
Trump also criticized Santa’s long-standing role in determining which Americans are naughty or nice.
“Frankly, Santa has no business deciding that,” Trump said. “That’s my job. It’s very simple. If you voted for me, you’re on the nice list. Very nice. If you didn’t, we’ll see.”
Trump referred to the North Pole icon as “Sneaky Santa,” saying the nickname reflected both Santa’s habit of entering American homes uninvited and his failure to “pay what he owes.”
“He sneaks into our houses, he sneaks past our borders, and he sneaks past paying us,” Trump said. “But no longer.”
Trump confirmed that coal would remain exempt from the new tariffs, provided it comes exclusively from American coal mines.
“Coal is very important,” Trump said. “But it has to be American coal. The best coal in the world. Nothing says you’ve been naughty like a great big piece of beautiful American coal.”
When asked how tariffs would be levied on free products, White House spokesperson Karoline Leavitt said the administration would use a special formula instead of traditional “woke Democrat math.”
Trump also indicated he might be open to negotiations, though he expressed skepticism.
“I’m always willing to make a deal,” he said. “If Santa brings me something nice, we’ll talk.”